


fall apart

by iamnotbrianmay



Series: Queen Tumblr Prompts [7]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: 1979, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, M/M, Men Crying, Press and Tabloids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 08:37:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20239939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamnotbrianmay/pseuds/iamnotbrianmay
Summary: The world was falling around Brian, and there was nothing he could do about it.It seemed like the news had spread faster than wildfire, and the newspapers that had been praising their performance only a few days ago were now tearing them apart. They were tearing Freddie and Brian for loving each other.





	fall apart

The world was falling around Brian, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

It seemed like the news had spread faster than wildfire, and the newspapers that had been praising their performance only a few days ago were now tearing them apart. They were tearing John and Roger for letting their children and wives hang around people like them. 

They were tearing Freddie and Brian for loving each other. 

And everywhere that he turned, the guitarist seemed to find himself looking at the daunting headlines and that one fateful picture. The one that had made their lives fall apart in a matter of seconds. 

The one that caused his mother to call him, begging Brian to tell her it was just a mistake. The one that had made hundreds of hateful letters flood into their mail. The one Brian was sure that Freddie was going to hate him for because if someone had been pressing for their relationship to be kept secret was Freddie. 

Freddie who trembled in fear of someone finding out. Freddie who had even gone out of his way to buy three different houses, one for him, one for Brian, and their home— to keep appearances. Freddie, who had begged Brian with tears in his eyes not to come out to his parents in fear that the Mays would sell them out. 

And in the end, it was Brian who had gone out and ruined everything. 

He was walking with his head hung low, a hood over his mass of curls, and hot, silent, tears streaming down his face. He had opted to walk from where he had been when he had heard the news towards their house. Scared that if he were to call a cab, he would be denied, or even worse, followed. 

There was also the fact that he didn’t want to get there quite yet, he didn’t want to hear the words ‘_we are over_’ yet. He didn’t want to see the hate-filled eyes of Freddie, who would despise Brian forever. 

He scrunched up his nose, trying to hold in a sob and failing miserably. And to think he had felt like the king of the world only a few days prior. 

He looked up and realised that their house was only a few meters away. The lovely garden that surrounded it, the elegant roman archways that decorated the exterior, and the backdrop of the lush forest that surrounded the residence made Brian sick. Knowing that everything looked so perfect the day his life was destined to end. 

He walked up to their front yard, and felt like his legs were about to give up on him, he walked to their front steps and felt his breath leave him, he felt his hands hover over the doorbell and felt like he could throw up. 

In the end, he didn’t even have to ring, cause after a few seconds of waiting the door was yanked open by none other than Phoebe who took one look at the state Brian was in and pulled him into a warm hug. 

And that’s when Brian truly broke. He couldn’t contain his sobs, or the shivers that raked his body, or the torrent of tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t even bring himself to stand up, so he let his knees buckle beneath him, and brought down Phoebe with him. The other man was whispering sweet nothing into his ear, running his hands up and down his spine in an attempt at comfort. 

But there was nothing that Phoebe could do for Brian, nothing that would help him calm down. 

It’s only after several minutes that he finally calms down enough to be able to process the words that Phoebe is saying to him. He was asking him silly questions, things like what are you wearing? Or, what colour are Roger’s eyes? Words meant to take his mind off the whirlpool of thoughts that threatened to consume him. 

But Brian didn’t need distracting, “Is Freddie home?” 

Phoebe pursed his lips, letting an all-consuming silence take over the house, “He is in your room, hasn’t come out since—” 

He made the thought hang in the air, it wasn’t really necessary for him to finish it, after all, they all knew what he was referring too, “And John and Roger? Have they called yet?” 

Phoebe’s face said everything Brian needed to know, everything he feared apart from losing the love of his life. He didn’t want to lose his brothers as well, but as things were turning out, there was little Brian could do but brace for the sadness which was coming. 

“Alright, well,” Brian cleared his throat, “I guess I’ll go upstairs, try to fix what I broke.” 

Phoebe nodded, “I’ll have supper ready when you come down.” 

The treck from the front door towards the master bedroom was longer than Brian expected it to be. Maybe it was the fact that he dragged his feet all the way up, or perhaps it was that he simply didn’t want to open the door. However, once he got there, he gave himself no time to hesitate and turned the door handle. 

The room was completely dark. The dozen or so heaters they had in their place turned on, making it warm and cosy. There was a pile of blankets on the bed and the hundred or so pillows they had. It resembled a nest, sort of, and Brian didn’t want to disturb whatever Freddie had in favour of a long and hurtful conversation. 

The door to the bathroom opened, and out of it came Freddie. With his fluffiest bathrobe around himself, hair mussed and letting out pitiful whimpers and sniffles. And when he looked up, Brian had the urge to run over and wrap him in a hug, wipe his tears away, and kill everyone who caused his love to look like he did. 

Expect there was no one to blame but Brian himself. 

They stared into each other’s eyes for the longest of times before Freddie decided to speak, “You know, my mother called this morning.” 

There was a beat of silence in which Brian could feel his breath being sucked out of his lungs. 

“She told me to come back home,” he continued, “to go back to that small house in the suburbs of London to lay low for a while. Until the rumours passed over or our press manager controlled the situation. Or—or until you stopped harassing me.” 

Freddie took one step forward. 

“She thought you were forcing me to kiss you in that picture.” 

Brian sighed and let his head hang, “In some ways, I did force you.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I was so excited I forgot about the no kissing rule. I pushed you against that wall, I—” 

“Brian, shut up, will you?” 

“No,” Brian clenched his fists, “I won’t shut up because I messed up the best thing I have ever had in my life in a matter of seconds. I messed up what I had with you, I messed up Queen’s reputation, I messed up our friendship with Roger and John, so no I won’t shut up until you let me say I’m sorry. Until you let me properly apologise.” 

Freddie takes another step forward, “You didn’t.” 

“What?” 

“You didn’t fuck up everything,” Freddie’s voice was low, a little bit of an accent leaking into the words, “you didn’t fuck everything up because I have been waiting all day for you to come back home, come into this room, and help me deal with the shittiest day of my entire existence while cuddled up in bed.

“Brian May, if you think you could lose me over something like this, then you truly don’t know how much I love you.” 

Tears were prickling at the corners of Brian’s eyes, and his hands were trembling. 

“Now come over here and give me a hug before either of us fall apart. We’ll deal with the rest of the world in the morning.” 

“What about John and Roger?” 

“We’ll deal with them too.” 

He walked over to were Freddie was standing and hugged him tightly. Freddie then guided them to the bed, taking Brian’s shoes and pants off, then wrapping both of them in fluffy blankets. They fell asleep like that, wrapped around each other, and praying for tomorrow to never come. 

**☼**

Brian wakes up in the near dawn, cold sweat dripping down his back and Roger’s name on his lips. His scream echoes all around the empty halls of the house, waking all of the cats up, as well as Freddie. The older man sits up, running a hand down Brian’s back to try and get him to calm down. 

It does little but remind him of the situation they find themselves in. It reminded him of the night when he and Freddie got together. The fact that both of them knew what would happen if either of the boys were to find out, and that they had chosen to go along with it anyway. 

Not that Brian regretted anything. He loved Freddie fiercely and wholeheartedly. But he also didn’t want to lose his best friend. Roger, who had an unselfish way of loving. Who had drunkenly declared that Brian was his brother once, and had proceeded to correct anyone who told him otherwise. Roger, who was his oldest, and most valued friend. 

Roger, who was probably disgusted by the headlines circulating the newspapers. 

It was the second time that he woke up screaming their bandmates’ names, and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last. He had previously woken up sobbing John’s name. He had cried for half an hour thinking about the boy he had sworn to protect all those years ago, and the fact that he was probably regretting naming them his children's’ godfathers. 

John, who had been his rock for as long as they had known each other. 

He turns and finds Freddie with tear tracks down his cheeks, Crying for the life he used to have, for the brothers they had probably lost and felt the urge to throw up because it was no one’s fault but his that the rest of the world found out. He buries his head in Freddie’s chest and begs for forgiveness. 

That’s how Phoebe finds them. 

Curled around each other, silently crying, and comforting each other. They cry for the family they’ve lost. For the music they are sure they won’t be able to produce anymore. 

He walks into their room slowly as if not to startle them, and softly calls their names. 

Both the guitarist and the singer look up, and he gives them a comforting smile, “Roger and John are here to see you. Should I let them in?” 

Brian feels the way that Freddie draws in some breath, and then he nods. Pheobe lets the door swing open, and Brian sees everything happen in slow motion. Roger takes one look at them, and he runs into the room. Brian recoils, expecting a slap, or the blonde’s fiery temper, but instead, he is tackled onto the bed. 

“Oh, love, I’m sorry this is happening to you.” 

Brian finds himself frozen on the spot, with arms around him and kisses being pressed to the top of his head. 

“Are you alright?” Roger leans away to stare into his eyes, “Oh, dove, you look like hell. I promise you I’m going to find whoever did that to you and I’m going to _kill _them.” 

This time Brian breaks down in relief. He is clutching at Roger’s shirt like a lifeline, clinging to his best friend like he might disappear at any given moment and Roger is clinging to him just as tightly. At that moment Brian feels so idiotic for thinking things might change between them, for thinking his _brother _might look at him differently. 

Roger pries himself away from Brian, and the launches towards Freddie and John wraps himself around the guitarist like a Koala. The younger man is nuzzling into Brian’s neck when he asks the question that has been meaning to ask them since he saw them standing in the doorway, “How’d you know our address?” 

John gives him a kiss on the cheek, “We’ve known since the day you bought your houses. We were just waiting for you to let us in.” 

Yeah, Brian had never felt more stupid. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated! 
> 
> Also, you can find me on Tumblr as @iamnotbrianmay


End file.
